As impracticable as the idea of trying to find Mr. or Mrs. Right on a reality television show may sound, more and more people are doing it. But what happens when you think you’ve found love on camera only for things to change once the cameras go off? That was the experience of Vanessa Nelson. The beauty was featured in Season 3 of Married at First Sight and said “I do” to Tres Russell. And while they looked like the season’s strongest couple, by the six-month post-finale special, they shocked everyone by announcing that they were done. After speaking her peace, Nelson retreated to, as Iyanla says, “do the work” and mend her broken heart. But now, she’s ready to look for love, and she’s doing so on in front of cameras again.
Nelson and fellow Season 3 love-seeker David Norton are taking part in Married at First Sight: Second Chances, which premieres on Thursday, April 27 (at 10:15 on Lifetime). Nelson talked to us about taking all that she learned about relationships, and most importantly, herself, and trying her chances at love with 100 different guys. Seriously, though.
MadameNoire: After the way things ended with Married at First Sight, why would you consider looking for love in this way again on television?
Vanessa Nelson: Even though Married at First Sight didn’t turn out exactly how I wanted it to, it was still a great learning experience. I took a little time to mend my heart and get ready to date again. But once I had that time to myself, I was ready to get back out there. And Second Chances is so different and it’s so unique because the choices are all in my hands. Of course, I have the experts to kind of guide me and give me advice, but you know, I make all of the decisions. I get to meet these guys, I get to decide if I want to continue dating them. It felt like I definitely had more control of the situation and it was a lot more fun. There’s not the pressure of marrying a stranger, so it was a great experience.
What exactly motivated you to want to explore your options as far as dating and marriage on television? I know a girl who tried out for The Bachelor because it’s hard to date in NYC. So why exactly did you go this route?
Well, the Atlanta options are ‘unique’ [laughs]. It’s hard to date in any major city because everyone has so many options. And sometimes, when you have so many options, it’s hard to find someone that you really want to focus on. Dating on TV or exposing your relationship in such a public way is not for everyone. But I definitely feel that I got a lot of experience with relationships, being married, being divorced and all of that. So there’s definitely something that people can learn and take away. People learned a lot from my marriage. I definitely always had people coming up to me or communicating with me and saying they learned so much from watching me on Married at First Sight. So, it’s only natural to want to help people go through the most difficult portion leading up to marriage, and that’s dating. Dating is difficult. You’re going to see all of that watching Second Chances, the ups and downs I go through trying to date 100 guys [laughs].
How did you step back and nurse your heartbreak after the way things turned out with Tres?
Well, it wasn’t easy. Just like any other breakup or heartbreak, you have to take some time for yourself. You have to digest what you learned from it. You have to see that it was all not for nothing. There are things you can take valuable lessons from, even if it’s something that turned out kind of bad and not how you wanted it to. But I definitely felt like I just learned how to communicate better, how to be more compromising. Even though I went through all of that in a marriage, I learned how to apply that to dating. I saw through Second Chances just how valuable those lessons were and I was so happy that I went through that. It was a tough time and it was heartbreaking, but I’m still happy that I went through that experience because it made it easier to date.
In everyday relationships with people, we’re told that we do certain things, but of course, we don’t see it. But to get to watch a show that you were on and to see the things you may not realize you’re doing that hurt a relationship is unique. What did you learn about yourself that you realized you needed to work on?
Definitely one was communication. I was able to see myself go through the different phases of communication on Married at First Sight. When I was upset, I wasn’t the most open person. So I really had to work on that. Two: compromise. I had to know that no one comes to relationships absolutely perfect. Along with communication, you have to really see someone as they are and understand if these are things you can accept, these are things you can work through, or these are dealbreakers for you. And definitely trust. Because you know, having a lot of experiences with relationships, you go through good relationships and you go through terrible relationships. But I think I learned to be more open with my mind and my heart in the sense that I could take what someone says at face value until they kind of showed me that I shouldn’t. But even when you’re dating, you have to be very aware of the type of person you’re inviting into your life. You have to read the signs. I can say that during this dating experience with Second Chances, I was more open with my heart and more open with my mind. And I was able to trust — it was much easier.
Have you been in touch with Tres since you both decided to go your separate ways?
No. Well, actually, right after our divorce, we definitely tried to see if we could maintain a friendship. But on my end, it was just a little awkward. I was going through that process of trying to mend the heartbreak. His father passed a few months ago so I reached out to him and his family and let them know I was thinking of him. His father was really someone that I enjoyed and someone who was positive in supporting this decision that we made, the decision to marry a stranger. So even though we don’t have an active friendship, I definitely wish Tres the best. I know he’ll find someone that is right for him.
Yeah, it’s a nice idea to be friends. However, you didn’t go into the show looking for a friend so I think you made the right choice.
I do think sometimes guys tend to go that route to sort their feelings out so they don’t feel guilt on their part. But I had to do what’s best for me and make sure that I was taking the time to learn what I had to learn and to pull myself back together for the next person that I meet. I have to be my best self so I had to do what’s right for me.
So what exactly are you seeking in a partner at this point?
Someone who is confident and knows themselves. I think it’s really important to take the time to really understand who you are before you enter into a relationship. I’d like someone who likes to have fun and try new things. I like to cook and eat so someone who doesn’t mind sitting down next to me and eating all of the time and trying new stuff. I’m not a shy eater [laughs]. I don’t want to meet a guy who only wants a girl who eats salad because I can’t do that [laughs]. Someone who is ready for a relationship, someone who can communicate openly about their feelings and someone who is mature and ready for that step. But definitely someone I can also have fun with.
So what are you most excited about when it comes to what people will see on Married at First Sight: Second Chances and what you were able to experience?
On the premiere of Second Chances, you will see me date 100 guys. And it is crazy. It is like no other dating show or dating experience because I really had every type of guy, personality, every height, every color, every walk of life. That was so fun. It was a little overwhelming, but that was the most exciting thing because I had no excuses. I had every type of guy I could ever think of in front of me, and i think that’s every girl’s dream [laughs]. So I loved it.
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