Kinky Acts That Aren’t All They’re Cracked Up To Be

[caption id="attachment_831670" align="alignleft" width="1068"] Bigstockphoto.com/Rebel sexy woman guilty arrested with handcuffs[/caption] There is a whole category of couples out there that are into a certain type of sex that nobody is talking about. They may feel like outsiders, worrying they’ll be ostracized if they speak up about it. Will anyone understand their choices? That’s right; I’m talking about couples that just have normal sex! Nobody inflicts pain on anyone during it, or has to make a run to the store for batteries. There aren’t any costumes or items that belong in a dungeon. And they really, truly, enjoy sex, just like that. If you are one of those couples, you’ve probably felt pressured by some of your more adventurous friends to spice things up—they’ve insisted that your sex life just couldn’t be any good without the acrobatics and toys they use. If you’re genuinely just not into it, then here is a comforting list. Here are kinky acts that aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. [caption id="attachment_612042" align="alignleft" width="500"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Making a sex tape

Get ready for a lifetime of anxiety that somebody may leak that tape. Any time you and your partner get into a major fight, you’ll realize that staying together isn’t a given, and who knows what your partner may do with that tape if he was feeling particularly vengeful. Oh, and nobody looks as good having sex as they expect to.   [caption id="attachment_702781" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Watching adult films together

Don’t be surprised if your partner gets more into the film than into you, and ends up just going to his corner of the bed to handle things on his own. There’s a reason men usually watch adult films on their own; they become selfish when they watch them.           [caption id="attachment_677822" align="alignleft" width="461"] YouTube[/caption]

Doing it in front of a mirror

Again, nobody looks as good having sex as they expected to. You’ll probably end up focusing more on choosing positions that don’t give you a double chin than on positions that do give you an orgasm.             [caption id="attachment_711192" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Sixty-nining

Just what everybody wants: to put their nose between somebody’s butt cheeks for several minutes while trying to retrieve enough oxygen to give oral. Who is getting off like this? People with snorkels?             [caption id="attachment_711396" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Trying it in a public place

Like a public restroom or the booth at a nightclub. Even people who typically don’t worry much about germs will find themselves distracted by all the dried gum under the table or the weird stain in the toilet bowl. Oh, and if you get caught, that could end up on your public record and affect your job options in the future.         [caption id="attachment_625364" align="alignleft" width="425"] Shutterstock[/caption]

The golden shower

In the heat of the moment, apparently, for some reason, I guess, some say…ugh for goodness sake people like to pee on each other! Even if it’s somehow erotic in the moment, you’ll never quite feel the same again. Whether you’re the peer, or the peed on.           [caption id="attachment_710065" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Describing your fantasies

Describing your fantasies can be pretty hot, but just know that you’re opening up Pandora’s box. Don’t be surprised if your partner tells you about a fantasy that leaves you disturbed, and forever looking at him differently.           [caption id="attachment_701865" align="alignleft" width="500"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Involving food

Just try to keep it in one, small region, or you’ll find that your pants stick to your legs for weeks and you can’t quite get the smell of whipped cream out of your hair. Is that a bad thing? Maybe when your coworkers ask you why you smell like that.               [caption id="attachment_618220" align="alignleft" width="420"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Joining the mile high club

Airplane bathrooms seem to be getting smaller and smaller, making it hard for Mile High members to do their thing. Just know that if you do go for it, there is no comfortable position, everyone outside knows what’s going on, and an air marshal may be sent to break it up.           [caption id="attachment_694799" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Inviting a third

It’s tough to make the jump from being a totally monogamous couple to having a threesome. When you’re drunk or on drugs, you may not be feeling like yourself, and you might think you can handle a threesome. But it could ruin your relationship.           [caption id="attachment_610259" align="alignleft" width="455"] Corbis[/caption]

Doing it in the hotel hot tub

First off, all of that water actually washes away your natural lubrication. Second off, if you think you’re the first ones to do that, you’re way off. You’re just doing it in the sex juice of all the other couples that have done that.           [caption id="attachment_623396" align="alignleft" width="500"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Doing it in the shower

See the water and lubrication conundrum mentioned in the last slide, and add the fact that this is really dangerous! Shower sex is the cause of many 911 calls. And one person is always cold the whole time.       [caption id="attachment_716111" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Giving him oral while he drives

Have you ever noticed that when you give your man oral at home he doesn’t hear the person knocking on the door, or smell the food burning on the stove? It’s because a man’s senses are, um, depleted when he’s receiving oral. That’s not what you want when he is driving.         [caption id="attachment_612408" align="alignleft" width="420"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Wearing edible panties

Unless you put these on immediately before having sex, then you’ll just be wearing sticky underwear all day. And you’d be surprised how long it takes for your partner to munch these off of you. What if he wasn’t craving candy?           [caption id="attachment_704641" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Playing adult board games

Trying to follow board game rules is frustrating and slowgoing under normal conditions. Now you want to add that dynamic to sex?

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