I recently decided to dabble back in Tinder (I will accept all inquires of why and what the f-ck for in the comments section) and within hours I was already sending screenshots to my step-sister about how "over" men I am. Actually, the direct quote was: "This is the sh-t I'm talking about."
Said sh-t was a brief, yet exhausting back-and-forth between a man whom I'd already matched with on Soul Swipe (when I was on there) and who'd already forgotten who I was. Nevertheless, he seemed to like what he saw, again, but what he read? Not so much.
Despite being a writer, I strug-gle with writing bios that don't scream "this is lame and I don't really want to be here," which I'm sure is magnified by the pressure I feel because I am a writer and I should be able to do that. So instead of going with the standard "I'm looking for something serious on an app that's anything but" proclamation, I made an attempt at wit and declared my love for Jesus and Jeezy (in that order) in my bio. I figured it would give a little insight into my personality and lay the foundation for an interesting conversation starter since I was sick of getting messages that just read "Hi." What I didn't expect saying "Jesus and Jeezy get me through the day" to lead to was an attack on my faith.
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After I reminded my aforementioned match that we'd actually matched before (and re-answering the question, "so what are you looking for?"), the leader of the Spanish Tinder inquisition asked: "Jesús and Jeezy? What is that supposed to mean?"
Me: "It's a joke, like when people say I love God and trap music...Jeezy is a rapper. I'm a big fan."
Him: "Well... If you are a believer, would you think Jesus wants his name next to that?
(second message) "Sidenote...I'm not a religious person at all. I'm just asking out of curiosity."
Me (to self): Could've fooled me.
Me to him: "I think God has a sense of humor, as do I."
Him: "I strongly disagree. And your God spoke of this in his bible. In Isaiah. That prophet spoke of this being very specific."
Me (to self): How do you know the bible better than me but you're not religious?
Me to him: "Well you don't have to agree or like it."
Him: Blocks me.
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I was annoyingly tickled that this conversation was my re-introduction to Twitter while also thinking, what just happened? How did I just get condemned by a non-religious bible-thumper who I'm 90% sure said something about being on Soul Swipe for the sex, though I can't find the receipts to prove it? And if you're wondering why I still carried on a conversation with him after he alluded to something of that nature, I'll allow the question. Just give me a day or two to come up with an answer.
Moving right along to my next digital bump in the road. Despite being too turnt -- or lacking the proper conviction -- for my previous potential suitor, I found not being down enough can also get you blocked.
The next day after Jeezy got me booted, I matched with another guy who seemed cool and cute enough. I think I sent the first message, remarking how we shared a love for tacos and "The Walking Dead." We went back and forth about those interests for a bit before he sent the question I dread receiving: "420-friendly?"
Worded more nicely than other men who've asked within two minutes of conversation, "Do you smoke?," I thought the use of the word "friendly" meant this guy would be equally friendly about my lack of love for bud. It's not that I necessarily mind people smoking, it's just "not really my thing," as I told him. But I also feel like if smoking habits are one of the first things you ask about, 420 might be a little too important to you. I love cocktails way more than I should, but finding out whether a man drinks is not at the top of my "getting to know you" priorities list. And that's where we differed because as soon as my message was sent and received I was blocked. Not exactly the Tinder re-start I was looking for, especially with a handful of my girlfriends assuring me "there is hope" in Tinderland. It was, however, an unfriendly reminder that he without tolerance will indeed cast the first stone, by pressing that tiny little link labeled "Unmatch." Noted.
Have you ever been blocked on Tinder for something silly? Share below and make me feel better. Just kidding, I'm good.
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