Steve Harvey has made a name for himself by using his mouth. He’s a talker. Whether he’s telling jokes, starring in a sitcom, offering relationship advice or hosting a game show, Steve Harvey is collecting these checks because of he’s a good talker. But as of late, Harvey’s mouth has been the very thing that’s gotten him into trouble. First it it was the appearance of said mouth, standing next to Donald Trump before he was sworn in as the President of the United States.
Then it was the mouth that got him in trouble when he used it to make jokes against Asian men.
And then again, most recently when he stepped forward to advise Snoop Dogg and everyone else to respect the office of the Presidency.
“the problem with this is that there’s is an office in this country called the ‘president’, and you have to respect the office. You really do. Whether you want to or not. You have to respect the office. They got laws… I would hate for anything to come down.”
That last one got him a “sunken place” illustration, you see above.
Harvey isn’t exactly known for speaking with tact or being incredibly sensitive, particularly when he offers advice.
Then today, I found a video of him offering some advice to a woman in his talk show studio audience.
For those who can’t listen to the video right here’s the transcript.
Woman: My husband and I, we’ve been married for over 20 years. There’s no doubt he’s in love with me. The problem is every time I get home from work, he’s overly affectionate. He wants to kiss me, hug me, he sits down next to me all the time. I need to calm him down. I don’t want him to stop but I need him to calm down for just 30 minutes. I was hoping you could help him calm down.
Steve: He loves you. Do you know that you have a problem that most women wish they had?
Woman: Just 30 minutes.
Steve: Have you ever asked him before?
Woman: Yes.
Steve: What did he say?
Woman: I don’t know what his problem is.
Steve: He think you fine. That’s the damn problem, he married a woman he’s in love with. he didn’t just start this. That’s how he got you.
Woman: Well can he just calm down a bit?
Steve: I’m not going to help you. No.
Steve to the Husband: Keep doing what you’re doing.
Steve: What you don’t want to mess around and do is have to have him give all that affection to somebody else.
I know that Steve Harvey, at the end of the day, is a comedian. A lot of his advice is rooted in comedy and not any relationship insight or psychological study. So I get that a lot of this is supposed to be tongue and cheek.
Still, can we all agree that this advice completely absolves the man for any type of control over his actions or consideration for his wife’s feelings? The woman didn’t say she didn’t want her husband to touch her for days or even hours on end. She said she needs 30 minutes to decompress. While I certainly don’t believe her husband is being malicious in his affection, he should take seriously her request that he give her a few minutes when she comes home from work. At the end of the day, it’s an issue of consent. Even if someone is your husband, that still doesn’t give him unlimited access to your body. We can’t teach our children about “no-means-no” and encourage them to exercise autonomy over their bodies…until they get married. That’s not how this thing works.
And after this response, I wonder if Steve Harvey really got that.
As you might have imagined from the studio audience’s response, once this clip was posted online, people had a lot to say about this “cold woman.” So much so, that her husband had to write a response in defense of her.
We already know Steve is known for misogynistic, throwback to the 50’s type of advice. And honestly some women have been complaining about this type of advice for years now. But since everything else is going haywire, perhaps now Harvey will be able to see that now is the time to step away, reflect, REBRAND, and come back with something that is more reflective of this time period and our current understanding of not only women but just general human decency.
Veronica Wells is the culture editor at MadameNoire.com. She is also the author of “Bettah Days.” You can follow her on Facebook and Twitter @VDubShrug.
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